Vacuuming your cat

Begin with a long hose,
canister in closet, door nearly closed.
Overcoming hatred takes time.
Use a nozzle meant for blinds,

with black bristles like Hitler's hair.
Or don't. Your hose alone
will scare her. Sidle up
as if searching for a spot

to wash yourself in morning sun.
The hose will appear more normal.
Pet her side with a free hand.
Of course, your vacuum should be running.

Sneak in one stroke
with the Hitler wand. But only one.
If the cat remains, watch her tail.
Swishing may mean trouble.

Day two, repeat day one.
Pretend to be looking for a place
to stash your hose for good.
Consider yourself lucky if she is fooled.

Repeat as needed, without variation.
Remember, Darwin had no clue
as to why cats hate vacuums.
After a week, you may break through.

If so, stroke both sides,
maybe tail. But, do not vacuum ears.
And, don't misread your cat's purr.
We all have growls for things we fear.

Timothy Pilgrim